An Ideal Image

I realized that I always held a sort of idea of what I should become and what my life should become, and thinking that if I just learn a little bit more, look a little bit better, accomplish something, and then BAM! I’m there, and now I can just be happy for the rest of my life and not worry about it anymore. I think I was wrong all along – there is no destination. An ideal version of me is only a projection, a postponement of being happy and being accountable for my present version of me. The truth is I will never be 100% happy with myself. I am not perfect and never will be. While it is good to plan for yourself and to develop, I found it is very unreliable to plan too far ahead and a waste of energy that can be utilized here and now. There is no ideal version of myself that will make me happy for the rest of my life, because that ideal image is not a fixed one, it keeps changing as I evolve. When we keep running ahead of ourselves and try to control our future and how we will feel in the future, we don’t live fully in the present. Being fully present and moving one step at a time to a happier version of me is something I can do right now and feel the results. Not smarter, or more beautiful, or more athletic, but a happier version, and that can be anything. What is a happier version of you right now?

Escapism

The biggest challenge for me always was to get out of my head and be present. It sounds like a very obvious thing that anyone who’s not mental would be able to do. But if I struggle with it half the time, does that mean I am delusional? My own answer to that is yes. I fantasize and imagine and daydream a lot. As a kid that was considered a bad thing but I thought they were just assholes, making me feel bad about myself. And they were. But now I come to realize that if I want to have the life I want I need to face the life I have. To learn to be present is hard. First you need to ask yourself: Why do I live in my head so much? Is my fantasy better than real life? Then a more difficult question is: What is wrong with my life? That can take a while. To admit that something bothers you is hard. To admit that your life is a bunch of bullshit is hard. But that’s a very extremist way of thinking, and harsh, and untrue. Anyone’s life is multidimensional. When you get out of your head you stop focusing on the bad things. For me the first step was to recognize that each moment is spontaneous. Each moment can become whatever you make of it. There is no grand plan. You can turn the corner or go straight at any given moment. For example right now, you can make a cup of coffee, or go outside, or listen to music, or go for a jug, right? That freedom is always there, with few exceptions. To stop escaping is both simple and hard. The simple part of it is that you can snap out of it and just look around the room. The hard part of it is to stay there. What’s the trick? To find something that interests you. If you’re bored you’ll keep slipping out of it. To redirect life to make it interesting is the ultimate goal. To stop waiting for the perfect future. Because there is no future. As awful as it sounds, it’s not awful at all. Future is just a projection. There is no past either, because it’s only a memory. What we have is only NOW.

This feels like I rambled a lot, but I hope there is some sense in it.

Yours,

Natasha Pea

Reinventing Summer

This summer is not like any other, but it is real, and it is here. We cannot afford to loose it. Not being able to do the exact things we did last year, does not mean we should not do anything. Finding new ways to spend the warm days is the current direction; finding new ways to structure days, to do things, to let go of the old, and reshape ourselves.

Entropy

Who Am I?

Deepak Chopra said we need to ask ourselves every day “Who am I?”. Who you are at the core is not a label. It is not your profession, status, level of success, gender, or a current role you’re playing, such as wife, daughter, etc. Who we are is beyond that. We are the essence of existence and creation.  Read More

Passion

According to Joshua Millburn and Ryan Nicodemus (TheMinimalists.com) there are 5 most important areas in our life that comprise a meaningful life: Read More

Color

Sometimes you just need a little color.

Boston Gates

To shut the door to the outside noise may be the hardest thing, as the world pulls you ferociously in many directions. But once you shut it it will become quiet. Then you can hear your own world – yourself. Read More

Mind

Sometimes my mind wanders so far
I wonder if it will ever come back.

But then it does
When I see your face.

Freedom

seagull
Freedom.
Breathing and living
in the moment.
Unencumbered and unaffected.
Alone, but not lonely.
Alive.
Shanti. Read More