Envy

Did you ever look at someone’s photos on instagram and felt jealous of the life they’re living? Or met a real person who seemed so satisfied with themselves that you just wanted to breath the same air as them? I certainly have. I met several different people in my life who helped me change into who I am today. When I first met them I admired them so much I thought I wanted to be like them, do the things they were doing and achieving the successes they were achieving. They had something I wanted that I didn’t have. But were those things their hobbies, their experiences, or their achievements that I wanted so bad? Did I lack a Master’s degree that would make me as passionate about my job as they were? Did I need to try the same hobbies they had to have the same level of excitement in my life? Or did I want to travel every week to a new destination to have an interesting life?

What all of them had in common that I wanted and didn’t have turned out to be not the external things but what was way beneath it. Passion for life. Interest and excitement about the life they were living. No matter what each of them was doing they seemed confident, excited, and determined. They were living their lives with intention. They knew what they wanted and they were doing exactly that. I wanted to be like that – confident, excited about my life, intentional, and passionate. I wanted to have an interesting life. I wanted to really feel like I had an interesting life, not simply for others to think that; it’s easy to fool people. I wanted to be as excited about my own self as those people were about themselves. And isn’t this the bottom of most of our desires that are disguised by material things or by someone else’s seemingly amazing experiences? In the end, it seems, what we deeply want is to like ourselves and the life we live…

So the first step for me was to ask myself what it is that I really want. Not running after other people’s experiences and achievements and thinking that if I’ll get it I will feel the way they do. First of all we don’t know how they really feel. Second of all, it may simply not be the case. The catch here is to figure out what it is that makes you excited about your own life and then simply go ahead and do it. It sounds simple, but it really is because it doesn’t have to be anything grand immediately. Start small. And then it will grow like a snowball. The more you follow your true desires, I realized, the more of a second nature and the easier it becomes. We are creatures of a habit. Think of one small thing right now that you’d really like to do that will make you feel exited and proud. And then go out there and do it without excuses or overthinking.

Thanks for reading my blog,

Natasha Pea.